Decoy Britney

A youngish singer of popular tunes by the name of Britney Spears came to Skinny City recently to perform some of her better-known songs. Perhaps you have heard of her. I must confess I had not; an oversight for which I forgive myself. I found, however, a number of odd conditions attached to her visit.

Firstly, I’m told the youngish lady in question did not actually sing, but rather mimed her way through the show. Vicarious karaoke is a new concept to me, and I shall have to ponder its worth. By all means, convey your thoughts on this matter.

Secondly – and this I experienced first-hand, as Ms Spears stayed in a well-known establishment offering short-term accommodation opposite my place of employment – there was considerable media interest in the visitation. This led to Ms Spears employing subterfuge; to wit (and I quote Skinny City’s fine daily newspaper), using a “decoy Britney.”

Holyfuck.

A decoy Britney!

Friends, I want one. Oh, no, please: not for prurient reasons; nothing lurid here. I would set up the decoy Britney on my front veranda, to wave at passers-by and cause immense envy amongst the neighbours. A status symbol if you will. A decoy Britney. I just had to write it again.

James Moderate, citizen

One cold evening in mid June 1901 - the seventeenth, to be exact - it being too late to use the miraculous coming together of six disparate states to form the one indivisible commonwealth that would come to be known simply as Australia as an excuse, but with the death of good Queen Victoria (bless her) perhaps on his mind, one James Moderate was charged by Kalgoorlie police with being drunk.

Which can only mean, in this all too interconnecty world, that somewhere there's a chap by the name of Albert Pisshead who can think himself very lucky not to have a police record.