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Gentle readers, I did not want to turn this into one of them conspiracy sites, but I’d like to draw your attention to a news item I espied today:

Kelly Katrina Hildebrandt of Florida is marrying Kelly Carl Hildebrandt of Texas.

Here’s the happy couple:





They met after she googled her own name, found Kelly Carl and began corresponding. Cupid took it from there.

“I totally think that it's all God’s timing,” says Kelly Katrina Hildebrandt said. “He planned it out just perfect.”

FUCK!!!

I totally don’t know about this. Can it be right? God’s plans for his flock include us marrying people with the same name? Where does it say this in the Bible? Did Thomas Aquinas know this shit? And how can I be expected to find – let alone marry – someone called a very competent historian?

Is Kelly Katrina some kinda holy mystic 33rd level Kabala priestess? Maybe she knows the secret names of Ya HoWa? Maybe she knows a whole lotta stuff and she aint tellin.’

Kellys [is that the plural?], give it up for the people.

Totally.