I came across this article from September 1904. It really needs no explanation, but that won’t stop me:
Professor Von Wagner, of Vienna, who has been experimenting in the treatment of idiots with thyroid gland, has reported to the Austrian Home Office…
Austria/Australia; who can tell the difference? But I would like to know whether idiocy was a particular problem within the Austrian Home Office. I know it is in the Australian equivalent.
…that in time idiocy will belong to the category of curable diseases…
Now, one hundred and five years later, it may be time to assess the results of Prof. Von Wagner’s work. Let’s see: Far from being rid of idiots they have multiplied exponentially. And back in the prof’s day they didn’t give idiots drivers’ licences and orange Monaros(1). They do now.
He has treated 52 idiots ranging in age from two to twenty-three years during periods varying between 12 and 35 months with tablets of thyroid gland, and writes that already, after three month’ treatment, a growth in height was observable…
Oh yea! Bigger idiots!
…accompanied by an improvement in the quality of the blood and in increase of strength…
Oh crap! Stronger idiots!
Children very soon became lively, showed much more interest in the outside world, began to chatter and even to sing, and some were fit to attend school
Now this suggests the rigorous scientific testing of the good prof has failed him, if he is suggesting that children don’t chatter and sing if they’re still in the idiot stage. In fact, a lot of idiots sing; just ask Liam Gallagher. Also – moving out of the idiot stage isn’t a prerequisite for attending school.
(1) For yer foreign brains, this is an Australian muscle car, the equivalent say of a U.S., um, muscle car.
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